the list of 9 for november 28, 2008:
NINE HIT SONGS THAT ENDORSE STATUTORY RAPE
"Well, she was just 17, you know what I mean." No, Beatles, what do you mean? To be fair,the UK's age of consent is 16, making this song's 17-year-old subject fair game for the Liverpoollads. But here in California, she'd be jailbait. This list is tongue-in-cheek, of course; pop musicis aimed at teenagers, and as such, songwriters implicitly assume the role of high school boyswhen singing about their under-18 sweeties (e.g., The Stray Cats' "Sexy and Seventeen"). Buttaken in context of the age of those songwriters, especially those who don't even pretend thatthey're younger than they are, the tunes themselves can sound a little creepy.

  1. "Seventeen," Winger, 1988. This is late '80s hair metalsleaze, so it's no surprise that this flash in the pan band would crank out lyrics like, "She'sonly seventeen, still she gives me love like I've never seen... She's only seventeen, daddy saysshe's too young, but she's old enough for me".

  2. "17," Rick James, 1984. Rick James was legendary for hisoversexed lyrics and debauched lifestyle. Yet in "17" he seems downright conflicted: "Seventeenyears old, sexy, sexy... This young girl, this sweet thing, I just can't wait - No, I shouldn't dothis, she's almost jailbait!" Almost, Rick? Anyway, it's never revealed in the song whether thehorny 36-year-old James finally gives in to this temptress less than half his age, but I thinkit's safe to assume that he does.

  3. "Let's Go," The Cars. The girl in this song "won't giveup, 'cause she's seventeen." Whether this nightlife-loving adolescent is the "one desire" of thesong's 32-year-old singer Benjamin Orr, or of 30-year-old Cars songwriter Ric Ocasek, remainsunclear.

  4. "Sixteen Candles," The Crests, 1958. Sample lyrics: "Blowout the candles, make your wish come true/For I'll be wishing that you love me, too". Innocentenough, especially as The Crests' lead singer Johnny Maestro (what a name!) was only 19 at thetime. But still fishy, even more so when you realize that the girl is only just now turningsixteen.

  5. "Sweet Little Sixteen," Chuck Berry, 1958. The Beach Boysripped off the melody and lyrical structure of this song for their later hit "Surfin' U.S.A." butBerry's ode to a sixteen year old girl who "all the cats wanna dance with," while technicallychaste, is still pretty lecherous, especially when you picture the then-31-year-old Berry, one ofrock's most legendary rakes, slobbering over the girl's "tight dress and lipstick".

  6. "You're Sixteen," Ringo Starr, 1974. This was a #1 hit forthe former Beatle, who sang "You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're mine" when he was 33. Itwas first recorded by Johnny Burnette in 1960 (when Burnette was 26), shortly after beingwritten by Robert & Richard Sherman, who were 25 and 22, respectively.

  7. "Christine Sixteen," KISS, 1977. Flagrant statutoryrape rocker includes lyrics like "She's hot every day and night, there is no doubt about it..."and "I don't usually say things like this to girls your age, but when I saw you coming out of theschool that day... I knew I've got to have you".

  8. "Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen," Neil Sedaka, 1961. Samplelyrics: "Tonight's the night I've waited for, because you're not a baby anymore..." Another lyric,"When you were only six I was your big brother," confirms that Sedaka is singing to somebodyyounger than he is. He was 22 when he wrote (with Howard Greenfield) and performed this jailbaithit.

  9. "Louis Quatorze," Bow Wow Wow, 1980. Women sang songsabout sex under the age of consent too. Usually it was bummer stories like Cher's "Gypsies, Trampsand Thieves," where the 16-year-old narrator gets knocked up by a 21-year-old Southern boy whothen leaves her. But Bow Wow Wow was notorious worldwide for svengali Malcolm McLaren choosing14-year-old beauty Annabella Lwin to front this rhythmic New Wave band, singing suggestive lyricswhile proudly reminding listeners of her young age. This song featured some of the more brazenlines: "With his gun in my back, I start to undress. You just don't mess with Louis Quatorze. He'smy partner in this crime of happiness, 'cos I'm just fourteen!" Annabella is 43 now.

Copyright © Mark Tapio Kines 2011