the list of 9 for february 11, 2008:
NINE MOVIES THAT WOULD BE BETTER IF ALFRED HITCHCOCK WAS IN THEM
It's hardly arguable that Alfred Hitchcock, one of the greatest film directors who ever lived (ifnot the greatest), was also the one with the most recognizable and charismatic onscreenpersonality. To wit: "Good eeevening." What a shame that "Hitch" never really took up acting -apart from his famous cameos and TV show introductions, that is. If he had, and if he were alivetoday, I could see his inimitable presence livening up the following nine films:

  1. Hitch. A remake of the Will Smith romantic comedy, wherethe Master of Suspense instructs single men in the art of attracting the ladies. Sample dialogue:"I've found that if you can't get a woman to notice you, sneaking up behind her in her living roomand strangling her will do the trick."

  2. Lilo & Hitch. In this heartwarming Disney animatedfeature, a lonely young Hawaiian girl meets the Master of Suspense on the beach, and a profoundand hilarious friendship is formed.

  3. Turner & Hitch. Tom Hanks plays a down-on-his-luckpolice officer whose new partner is a fat, slobbering dog... played by the Master of Suspense!

  4. Starsky & Hitch. In this wacky big-screen adaptation ofthe famous '70s cop show, Ben Stiller and the Master of Suspense chase after the bad guys anddebate the plausibilities of the perfect murder. The final chapter in Hitchcock's "AmpersandTrilogy."

  5. Get Hitch or Die Tryin'. Rapper 50 Cent stars as a youngstreet thug whose mission is to find the Master of Suspense, who has disappeared in Manhattanwhile on a three-day bender and needs to be rushed back to the set of Torn Curtain before PaulNewman walks.

  6. The Hitches of Eastwick. Jack Nicholson as the Devil hasarrived in a quaint New England town - but he's no match for three, count 'em, threeMasters of Suspense.

  7. Fever Hitch. Drew Barrymore wants a serious commitmentfrom the Master of Suspense, but he's too caught up with baseball - as well as with that beautifulicy blonde down the street.

  8. The Seven Year Hitch. After seven years of marriage,family man Tommy Ewell finds himself hopelessly attracted to a gorgeous new neighbor: The Masterof Suspense. This includes the famous scene of Alfred Hitchcock in a white dress walking over awindy subway grate. Woops! Hot!

  9. Sing Along with Hitch. We return to the small screen forthis last entry, not for "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" but for this popular 1960s television programwhich allowed families across the United States to follow the bouncing ball and sing songs withthe Master of Suspense, such as "Good Night, Irene" and of course "Que Sera, Sera."

Copyright © Mark Tapio Kines 2011