the list of 9 for july 13, 2006:
THE NINE LEAST NECESSARY HORROR REMAKES EVER
I'm not entirely against remakes, especially with horror films. Sometimes an old B-movie will havea good concept yet will fail to deliver on its potential. Later, an interesting director may findhidden depths to that movie and a strong reason to remake it. Thus the copy surpasses theoriginal. David Cronenberg's The Fly is the usual example here, but I also actually preferthe American version of The Ring over its Japanese predecessor. (Not everybody agrees withthis assessment.) But by and large the impetus behind remakes is the usual "quick buck" one, whereHollywood studios who still own old properties find it a financial no-brainer to leech off theirown brand names by filming them again, only louder and bloodier. In terms of the horror genre -and since the modern horror film as we know it didn't really come into being until the 1970's, Iam including chillers, ghost stories and monster movies - these nine classics should never havebeen remade:

  1. VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED. Wolf Rilla's spooky 1960 film aboutan English hamlet besieged by strange blonde children with the power of mind control wasworthlessly redone in 1995 by John Carpenter, who added some well-known actors (includingChristopher Reeve, shortly before his accident), color film, an American setting and explosions.The spare, creepy, expertly-made original didn't deserve this. But then it didn't deserve its ownunwelcome sequel (1963's Children of the Damned) either.

  2. THE HAUNTING. Robert Wise's 1963 psychological thriller,about a group of people attempting to stay in a haunted mansion for a few nights, isn't perfect.But it's got rich atmosphere, excellent sound effects, and amazing performances by Julie Harris andClaire Bloom. The 1999 version is the stereotypical big stupid Hollywood remake. Despite itsA-list cast, it's already forgotten. Meanwhile, Wise's 1963 film lives on.

  3. PSYCHO. Gus Van Sant's 1998 shot-for-shot clone ofHitchcock's 1960 classic is the very definition of the word "unnecessary."

  4. HOUSE OF WAX. It's disturbing, it's in 3D, it has VincentPrice. What more could you ask of a 1953 horror movie? And why did anyone think that redoing it as a 2005 gorefest (costarring Paris Hilton, no less) would add anything - even camp value?

  5. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. Remaking Tobe Hooper's1974 landmark splatter film in 2003 is as much of an insult to the horror genre as remakingHigh Noon would be to the Western. (And of course High Noon was remade - as a2000 TV movie.)

  6. THE OMEN. Thing is, the original version of TheOmen wasn't that great. A good filmmaker could have delved deeper into the story and done awaywith its bad-haired 70's-ness. But the only reason The Omen was remade - poorly, I mightadd - was so that 20th Century Fox could cash in on having a "Satanic" release date of 6-6-06.Weak.

  7. CAT PEOPLE. Jacques Tourneur's moody 1942 movie about awoman who turns into a panther was ridiculously sexed up in 1982. Funny thing is, if they remadeit now, they'd take out the sex and put a pack of CGI panthers in it.

  8. KING KONG. Considered one of the greatest movies of alltime, 1933's King Kong retains a charm and mystery unmatched by both its notoriously bad1976 remake and even Peter Jackson's earnest 2005 version. What Jackson didn't foresee is thatthree-plus hours of wall-to-wall computer effects won't generate any more magic than 100 minutesof puppets, miniatures, Fay Wray and Max Steiner's legendary score did, more than seventy yearsearlier.

  9. THE WICKER MAN. It may be too early to write off NeilLaBute's upcoming remake of this 1973 thriller (and call it a detective story, call it a religioussatire, call it a musical, but despite the last shocking minutes there is nothing in thisfilm that deserves the "horror" label that it's long been saddled with), and I can even see therationale behind it: the old movie's thick 70's flavor of old folk music, pagan rituals and nakedhippie women may not play to today's audiences. But take out the songs and the free love and youhave no Wicker Man, a flawless - even timeless - film.

Copyright © Mark Tapio Kines 2011