the list of 9 for may 8, 2005:
NINE CELEBRITY ENCOUNTERS MY GIRLFRIEND HAS HAD WITH HER MOTHER
[Note from Mark: For this list, I enlisted my then-girlfriend,now-wife Miki to celebrate her eccentric mom. I'll let her take it from here.] Mymother is celebrity crazed. She burst into tears at Graceland... while still in the parking lot.She has a "Nash Bridges" poster signed by Don Johnson hanging in the kitchen. She considers anytrip to Los Angeles where she doesn't see at least 3 celebrities to be a failure. She knows moremovie trivia than anyone else I have ever met, except for Mark Tapio Kines. During my childhood, Iwas often dragged along on her celebrity hounding adventures. Here are my favorite examples:
- CAROL CHANNING. My mother and I were standing outside of aBroadway stage door in the late 70's, an all-too-frequent occurrence in my childhood. Suddenly,none other Carol Channing squeezed past us to enter the door. Her big, plastic head about scaredthe pants off the 6-year-old me, and started a lifetime of fear and loathing of Carol Channing.
- LIBERACE. Not many people under the age of 40 can claimthat they saw at least 8 Liberace performances between 1977 and his death in 1987! My mother was ahuge fan of Mr. Showmanship (which isn't surprising, as she is certainly the first huge fag hagthat I ever knew), and she never missed an opportunity to expose me to his fabulous world ofvirgin fox capes, sequins, pink limousines and boy-toy chauffeurs. In 1980, one show had some dealthat if you bought a $35 painting of Liberace, you'd be allowed backstage to actually have Leepersonally autograph it for you. I will *never* forget his creepy voice saying "Hi Miki!"Of course, I'm reminded of it daily, whenever I see the best piece of kitsch ever... a Liberacepainting that says "To Miki, Love Liberace, 1980" which proudly hangs in my living room.
- BEN VEREEN. We were eating at a fancy restaurant in Arubawhen my mother spotted Broadway superstar Ben Vereen eating at the next table. Mr. Vereen had notbeen recognized and was probably enjoying his peaceful and anonymous dinner. My mother put an endto that by loudly exclaiming "Hi Ben!!!" Ben mumbled "Hi" and proceeded to hide his head inhis hand, and every other head in the restaurant turned to look at him.
- AILEEN QUINN. So, I was a big fan of "Annie" as a child.Imagine my glee when my mother woke me up in what I perceived to be the middle of the night (itwas probably about 10 PM in reality) and dragged me right to where they were filming the movieAnnie. Strangely, the mansion scenes were filmed about 3 miles from our New Jersey home*and* my mother's friend did all of the flowers for the mansion set. So I got to stand around,sleepy and confused, and watch them film an uninteresting take over and over again. While I didnot encounter Carol Burnett or Tim Curry or Bernadette Peters, I did have a fleeting moment withAnnie herself, Aileen Quinn.
- DUSTIN HOFFMAN. My mother spotted him eating in a deli ona family vacation to Los Angeles in the early 80's. She somehow managed to keep her decorum while heate, as she knew that you're not supposed to bother celebrities in Los Angeles. But when hefinished his meal, she walked over to his table and took his straw. When she proudly showedmy father and me her new souvenir, my father replied, "Yuck! He probably has syphilis!"
- DANNY DEVITO/RHEA PERLMAN. Danny DeVito and I both hailfrom the greater Asbury Park, NJ area. My mother always got her hair done at the beauty salonoperated by his sister and cousin (a little known fact is that "Mr. Danny" was a hairdresser thereas well, in his pre-"Taxi" existence), and they became rather close friends. And whenever Danny andRhea returned to Asbury Park, you better believe that my mother took me right over for a visit. Asa result, it was not unusual for me to randomly end up on outings with Danny, Rhea and their kids.
- LARRY STORCH. My mother and I were walking along in NewYork City. Apparently, my mother had a piece of toilet paper stuck to her foot. A man came upbehind her and started heckling her about it. She turned around to confront the jerk, but insteadexclaimed, "Larry Storch!" Yes, my mother's heckler was none other than "F Troop" star LarryStorch. I'm sure that he is STILL beaming over the fact that he was actually recognized.
- JON BON JOVI. Thanks to the aforementioned Danny DeVitoconnection, when Throw Mama From the Train had its premiere in Asbury Park, my mother and Iwere in attendance. Although Billy Crystal was not a part of the festivities, we did haveencounters with several celebrities that evening... Anne Ramsey, Christopher Reeve, Celeste Holm,Captain Lou Albano(!)... but it is the photo of me and Jon Bon Jovi that amuses me the most. Imean, take 1988 and add it to New Jersey, Jon Bon Jovi and lots of hair. Classic.
- RICHARD SIMMONS. During the Deal-a-Meal era, RichardSimmons was fond of donning his little red and white shorts and delivering his message right tothe people... in shopping malls. Of course my mother brought me to the mall for such an importantevent! I thought the whole thing was pretty amusing initially - I was a teenager and a bit of afag hag in my own right at that time - and when he asked for people over 50 to get on stage anddance with him, I wasn't even too embarrassed when my mother was the first person to spring uponto the stage. But when he then called for teenagers to go up and she physically forced *me* upon the stage, well, that's when the event became clearly mortifying. Yes, there are photos ofthis. Yes, I'm as surprised as you that I've never needed therapy as a result of any of this.
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