the list of 9 for march 8, 2005:
NINE REVOLUTIONS THE FILM INDUSTRY NEEDS
Once upon a time, an indie filmmaker sent me a letter sharing his big vision of how he wants tosingle-handedly change the face of film distribution. I felt like telling him, You're anidiot. The film industry has been around longer than most sovereign nations. It's abehemoth. And besides, a revolution can never happen unless there is a mass voice behind it. Andas this industry preys upon struggling, insecure artists - many of whom would give their rightarm in exchange for a modicum of fame, money and respect - there's little chance that these peoplewill ever band together and change anything. So take this list with a grain of salt, eventhough I write it only partly in jest.

  1. THE "NORMAL WEIGHT FOR ACTRESSES" REVOLUTION. Does anyonereally find a skeletal woman more attractive than her shapelier sister? And yet actresses left and right -famous and not - seek to starve themselves into some emaciated ideal. I don't know who startedthis gruesome trend, or why, but I will say very nearly every actress I have ever met hasfelt the pressure. If only they could all join forces and say "We're all going to maintain ournormal, healthy weight," everyone would be happier. And that goes double for the breast implants.

  2. THE "ANTI-CHARLES ATLAS" REVOLUTION. Male actors have italmost as bad these days. Or haven't you noticed that every star - action hero or no - is now morechiseled and muscular than Stallone was in his prime? Please, no more superhero physiques. Unlessyou're actually playing a superhero, of course.

  3. THE "FAIR TRADE DISTRIBUTION" REVOLUTION. In honor of thatguy who emailed me his "vision," I'd like all the independent filmmakers of the world to say"no" to distributors who offer to buy their films for any less than what said films cost to make.Right now if you say "no," the distro will just move on to the next desperate candidate. But ifeverybody said no, there'd be no product, so the distros would have to loosen their pursestrings and only make a 400% profit instead of a 900% profit. Too bad, so sad.

  4. THE "NO HARRY, JACK OR MAX" REVOLUTION. This one goes outto all you screenwriters: Studios aren't forcing you to name your leading man Harry, Jack or Max,are they? So why is it that two-thirds of all male movie characters have one of those names?Seriously, how many real-life Harrys, Jacks or Maxes do you even know? Try some creativity youlazy bastards.

  5. THE "TO HELL WITH SAG" REVOLUTION. The Screen Actors Guildwas founded to protect performers from unscrupulous producers. It needs to exist. But it's becomea thuggish, uncooperative beast, often coming down on both actors and producers. TheSupreme Court ruled that union talent can work in non-union productions without getting kicked outof SAG, but SAG - fearing the loss to its own coffers if a member takes non-union work - bulliesand harasses many hungry actors away from exercising this totally legal option. Boo SAG!

  6. THE "SLIDING SCALE TICKET" REVOLUTION. I'm not the firstto come up with this idea - indeed, I'm not the first to come up with any of these ideas(though I am perhaps the first to compile them). Imagine this: If a film costs $200 million tomake, you can pay $15 to see it. If a film costs $10 million to make, you only need to pay $5 tosee it. This is how it works in live theatre, and is a structure - very fair to the moviegoer -that won't just increase audiences for smaller films, but may encourage studios not to make allthose excessively budgeted pictures that have driven up ticket prices in the first place.

  7. THE "SALARY CAP" REVOLUTION. Revolutionary thought caneven benefit the studios. Imagine if everybody simply said "No, $20 million is too much to pay TomCruise." Eventually, Tom Cruise will have to humbly lower his salary requirements, or face anearly retirement. Look, even $5 million is a ton of money. If stars were not allowed toearn more than that amount annually, perhaps it would be easier to comply with the new rules laidforth by the Sliding Scale Ticket revolution. While we're at it, let's make sure producers andstudio executives don't see a penny over that amount either.

  8. THE "NO ENTRY FEE" REVOLUTION. For all but the smallest offilm festivals, the mandatory entry fee (for those submitting their films) barely makes a dent intheir budget needs. But for poor filmmakers who just want their work to be seen, thosechecks for $20, $30, even $50 (hi Sundance!) add up fast. Plus, as I remind everybody, chances areexceptionally high that if you have to submit your film cold, you ain't getting in (since mostfests fill their rosters with invited - not submitted - films). So why bother paying forit? Let's force those fests to drop the entry fees. It's bad enough they never return yourtape.

  9. THE "ONLY ONE AWARDS CEREMONY A YEAR" REVOLUTION. This maybe the one revolution that is actually, slowly, happening: Tired of the glut of year-end awardsshows, television viewers are starting to tune out en masse. So please. Cut the Golden Globes, cutthe SAG Awards, cut the People's Choice Awards... Let's just leave it at the Oscars and, okay, theIndependent Spirit Awards - but only if there's no overlap between the two shows' nominees.

Copyright © Mark Tapio Kines 2011