Cassava Films - The List of 9

the list of 9 for may 16, 2000:
NINE FILM DIRECTOR FANTASIES

My script is now finished, and before all the heartache of getting it read and rejected by friend and stranger alike begins, it's fun to dwell in that candy-coated play area where I can dream of an easy development process, painless fundraising, flawless film shoot and an awe-inspiring, award-winning, one-for-the-ages finished film. Which of course will make me rich and famous and powerful enough to make exactly the films I want to make for the rest of my life, with no creative interference from anybody else. DREAM ON! Here are the nine standard would-be filmmakers' dreams that exist in the world today. Which one is yours, would-be filmmaker?

THE STEVEN SPIELBERG FANTASY. Go to film school and wow everybody in your path with your cinematic genius and keen sense for guessing the public's fickle tastes. Soon you will be able to make huge-budget films on any subject you wish and they will all be critical and box office hits. You will call all the shots and answer to no one. Hell, you can even start your own film studio! And don't forget all those Oscars you will win! DRAWBACKS: The paranoid struggle to stay on top and produce only gold. Your own artistry overwhelmed by special effects. WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: Nearly every film student at USC and UCLA; anybody who's seen Raiders of the Lost Ark more than 10 times; people who don't know how to make films. WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: James Cameron; George Lucas.
THE QUENTIN TARANTINO FANTASY. Forget about film school! Just watch lots and lots of the movies you love and suddenly write a brilliant script that you turn into a brilliant film and are hailed as a new auteur. Make millions. Become the hippest of the hip. Have legions of college students quote your dialogue endlessly. Date hot starlets. DRAWBACKS: You'll start believing your own hype. You won't be hip for long. WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: Slackers who work in video stores (excluding Blockbuster and Hollywood Video); that guy you see in the coffee shop working on his script; Gregg Araki. WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: Paul Thomas Anderson; Kevin Smith.
THE WOODY ALLEN FANTASY. Make highly personal films which you write, direct and star in (at the very least). Become as well-known for your personality as you are for your films. Have a cult following and scores of international critics adoring your work. Somehow get compared to Charlie Chaplin. DRAWBACKS: You will become better-known for your personality than for your films. Many people will accuse you of being a self-absorbed jerk. WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: Stand-up comics; "spoken word" performers who seem like stand-up comics; Eric Schaeffer, Henry Jaglom and Ed Burns. WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: Spike Lee; Roberto Benigni; Jerry Lewis once upon a time.
THE TERRY GILLIAM FANTASY. Get funding from major studios to make your own quirky, idiosyncratic films. Be worshiped by film geeks everywhere. DRAWBACKS: You will get screwed over by nervous studio executives who don't "get" your ideas. You will be unable to film anything with a reasonable budget. People will remember your films' production design more than anything else. WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: Comic book artists; anybody who's seen Blade Runner more than 10 times; Spike Jonez. WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: Tim Burton; Martin Scorsese; the Coen brothers.
THE JOHN WOO FANTASY. Become a star director in your own country of origin. Come to America and be hired by Hollywood studios to shoot big budget movies with top stars. DRAWBACKS: Hollywood will never fully accept you, because you are foreign. Your films will never again reveal that personal side you showed in your earlier work. Hollywood sucks compared to the smaller film industry back home. WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: Any foreign filmmaker with an "art house" hit on American shores who does not already hate America. WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: Ang Lee; Lasse Hallstrom; Wolfgang Petersen; Paul Verhoeven; Renny Harlin; on and on.
THE DAVID LYNCH FANTASY. Continue to get funding to make intellectually challenging and often disturbing art films that will be remembered long after most of your contemporaries die out. Be hailed as a genius across the globe. DRAWBACKS: You'll probably only get to make one decent-budget film, and it will be a stinker. Very few people outside of critics and film schools will actually see your work. WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: Art school students; successful New York painters; "underground" film festival attendees; Mark Tapio Kines. WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: Harmony Korine; David Cronenberg; Jim Jarmusch; Hal Hartley; Jane Campion.
THE JANE CAMPION FANTASY. Get to make films while female. Not to be confused with the "Penny Marshall Fantasy," wherein you get to be a woman making bland, big-budget Hollywood films, here you still get to stamp everything with your own voice and be respected for what that voice has to say. DRAWBACKS: Endless sexist backlash by male-dominated film world. You'll be stuck making indie films until the indie establishment is tired of you. WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: Sofia Coppola; Kimberley Peirce; Kasi Lemmons; basically any woman who wants to make films or who has had exactly one modest indie hit; WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: Mary Harron; Allison Anders.
THE PETER JACKSON FANTASY. Start your career by making ultra-low-budget horror movies with some friends in your backyard. Be so incredibly talented that those films eventually gain notice with critics and audiences. Leverage that into getting jobs to direct more mainstream films. Wind up getting tons of money to make something like the Lord of the Rings trilogy. DRAWBACKS: Discovery that making studio films just isn't as much "fun" as those horror cheapies from your youth. WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: The Blair Witch guys; most horror junkies; everybody who creates makeup effects for films. WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: Sam Raimi; Wes Craven.
THE BEN AFFLECK/MATT DAMON FANTASY. Be a struggling actor. Frustrated by your inability to land good parts in strong films, write a script for your own wonderful self to star in. Wind up becoming a superstar when that script becomes a hit film. Win awards. Date famous actresses. Become rich and famous. DRAWBACKS: You'll never be taken seriously as an actual filmmaker (though you may not care). WHO HAS THIS FANTASY: Every struggling actor on earth. WHO IS LIVING THIS FANTASY: Ed Burns; Billy Bob Thornton; Jon Favreau.