Cassava Films - The List of 9

the list of 9 for july 7, 1999:
NINE COMMON ENTRIES INTO HOLLYWOOD - MYTH AND REALITY

So, you wanna be in show biz, eh? Well, there are many ways to get your foot in the door, even if you don't know a soul in L.A. As somebody who has more or less been there, allow me to share my insights, to better prepare you for your difficult but inevitable rise to the top. There are, of course, always lucky breaks. It seems that everybody who's anybody in Hollywood gets several such breaks throughout their careers. Stay persistent, and I'm sure you'll either get to where you want to be, or you'll smarten up and go home.

THE MOVIE EXTRA. The first step for many actors. Come to L.A. and you will see ads on telephone poles looking for movie extras. Meet stars! Get your face on the big screen! Actually, you will work long days for very little money, get treated like dirt by production crews, be forbidden to even look at the stars or the director, and, above all, you will spend hours alongside other movie extras - some of the strangest, saddest people on earth.
THE SCRIPT READER. Euphemistically, the "story analyst." Many would-be screenwriters (myself included, once) see this as a way to get in with production or management companies. But you will read a whole lot of terrible scripts, then still have the same difficulty getting your own script read by anybody important. (More likely it will be by another poor reader like you.) However, it's an excellent way to see what scripts are out there, and what mistakes to avoid when writing your own. And you could make a sort-of decent living eventually, though you'll never get the satisfaction of "green-lighting" a project yourself.
THE SUNDANCE STAR. It looks so easy: make a small independent film with friends, enter it into the Sundance Film Festival, get picked up by Miramax. Well, join the thousands of others who think just like you - then gasp with them when you discover that nearly all of the filmmakers selected into Sundance are already on friendly terms with Sundance staff.
THE "SPEC" SCREENWRITER. True, some first-time writers do get their "spec" scripts (i.e. screenplays that are not works for hire) sold. Unfortunately, these people are usually represented by top agencies. Don't ask me how these "nobodies" land the big-time agents. It is a mystery.
THE FILM SCHOOL ROUTE. The idea is that you will make an amazing student film that will get recognized by somebody important, then you're on your way to the top. A smarter plan is to develop a technical talent while in film school, then work your way up to the top in that field. It's not glamourous, but it is comparatively dependable.
THE PRODUCTION ASSISTANT. Work on a crew! Participate in the filmmaking process! It can be fun, and in many ways it's the best entry into the film world - you start small, on student films and indie projects, then finagle your way into larger productions. But do you think you'll eventually move up into the role of a producer this way? Maybe, but you'll still have to make that leap yourself - you won't find anybody saying, "She's a good P.A. I think I'll have her produce my next film" in this lifetime.
THE PERSONAL ASSISTANT. Be the "gofer" or "secretary" or your demeaning term of choice to a producer, executive or star. Prepare yourself for mountains of verbal abuse and empty promises. Then realize you're on the road to nowhere. There are always exceptions - especially if you wind up marrying the person you work for - but this route to power is the most fruitless and masochistic you could possibly choose.
THE AGENCY MAILROOM. At all major talent agencies, it is normal to begin your career at the lowest level, barely making minimum wage. Agencies have strict rules of advancement. Stay in the mailroom for a year or two, then move up to assistant's assistant. Stay there for another year or two, then be an assistant. Another year or two and maybe you're junior agent. Finally you can make it to agent. Yes, it takes forever. but Hollywood's top agents all did it this way. Basically, you have to prove that you have an insatiable drive to become one of the least-liked people in Hollywood.
GET DISCOVERED! Just show your pretty face at the right restaurant or the right party, then become an overnight superstar! Or, far more likely, spend the rest of your life as a professional movie extra, forever waiting for that big break. (See first entry.)